


I Know We're Cool

by Jase



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Complicated Relationships, F/M, Friendship/Love, M/M, Moving On, Returning Home, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:27:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22350319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jase/pseuds/Jase
Summary: Aaron's celebrating his 1 year wedding anniversary when he finds out Robert's out of prison. After 8 years, he finally moved on, and now he hears that Robert's getting married.
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Original Male Character(s), Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden, Robert Sugden/Original Character(s)
Comments: 111
Kudos: 261





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Listen to Cool by Gwen Stefani and think of this fic.

**PART ONE - AARON**

* * *

Things are different, it had been eight years after all, and they're much better now. They're certainly much better now than they were at the beginning. And even that seems like a lifetime ago. There's a part of him that remembers how it felt, he supposes a part of him will always remember how that felt, it's not like it's something he could forget. Either way, it's something he tries not to think about anymore, it's something that's long been buried, something tucked away in the furthest corners of his mind, of his heart. He thinks about the present, he worries about the now, and life is good.

Aaron puts on a smile as he stands back watching the commotion, his mother practically glowing with pride, his father hot on her heels as they tend to Ben's parents. Ben his fiance stands beside him, his lips near his ear as he whispers something to him, Aaron humors him, laughs along to the joke Ben had just whispered to him. They're both all smiles as they watch their families celebrate their one year wedding anniversary.

Chas raises a glass and makes a toast, she smiles looking at Aaron, and boasts about how she's never seen him this happy, yet the look in her eyes is a bit off, Aaron can't quite put it in place, but he smiles and nods in return as he raises his glass along with everyone else to the toast. Paddy follows suit and soon the music starts again, the Dingles all go back to drinking, and Ben asks to dance. Aaron rolls his eyes and refuses. He doesn't dance. He never has. Not really.

"I...uh…I'm gonna go get some air." Aaron leans in to Ben.

"You want me to come with?"

"No, you stay, just...if you see a welly, run for it."

"What?" Ben looks at him with confusion. "A welly?"

"Nevermind." Aaron shakes his head with a smile as he pushes himself off the wall and makes his way outside. He takes a seat on one of the tables just outside the Woolpack and takes a deep breath, Dingles dos are still too much even for him, then again he's never been much of a people person. He's always preferred being alone, not always, but at least before and after…

His thoughts are interrupted by the honk of a car that comes to a stop in front Keeper's Cottage, Victoria's home, and it's not long until he sees her door swing open and Victoria walk out with a smile on her face.

"Ellie!" She nearly squeals in that high pitch tone that's always grated his nerves. To be fair though, most things about Victoria seem to grate his nerves now a day. They have for a while now, though, he can't help but feel bad about how they grew apart. He knew it had been his fault, deep down he'd grown to resent her for many things, one thing in particular. Then her baby came along and she became too busy with motherhood, all the more reason he kept his distance.

"Vic!" The woman driving the car returns as she steps out of her car. A stranger, someone he doesn't recognize, at least not from around the village. She's taller than Victoria, blond, and even from the distance, Aaron can tell there's a warmth about her.

They hug and continue to talk until something grabs Victoria's attention. He sight completely focused on Ellie's hands as the woman stands with her arms crossed 

"IS THAT? DID HE...DID HE PROPOSE?" Victoria gasps.

It's then that Aaron hears something that fully grabs his attention. The woman nods her head excitedly. "ROBERT PROPOSED!" She mirrors as she lifts her left hand for Victoria to see the ring.

At the sound of a name, that name, he feels like the floor has been swept from beneath his feet. He feels like he's weightless, falling into a never ending void. He never thought he'd hear that name again, it's been years since he last heard it, since he last spoke it.

Right years ago, Robert had been sent to prison on a life sentence, his hands had been responsible for ending a life, a life that deserved to be ended. He'd been sent to prison for protecting his sister, Victoria, who couldn't find it in her to fight for him with as much ferocity. Eight years ago, Aaron had list his husband, his world, only to be barred from his life in every way possible. Eight years ago he had to start over. Still, he couldn't help the hurt at the thought Robert was out, that he'd never been told. If he was getting engaged, how long had he been out? Why hadn't Robert reached out? 

"You ready to head home?" Ben pulled him from his thoughts, making him jump. His eyes quickly came to meet Ben's as he smiled trying to cover the turmoil in his head. "I could use some alone time with my husband."

"I, uh, yeah." Aaron cleared his throat. "I'm actually not feeling too well." He lied. "Can you go ahead and run me a bath?" He asked. "I'm just gonna go and say thanks to me mum."

"Yeah. Okay." Ben smiled and placed a kiss to Aaron's forehead. "But don't take too long, otherwise your mother will baby you, and that's my job."

Aaron chuckled in return and looked around him to see Victoria and the woman were gone. Her car was still there so he took it as a sign they were in her home. He waited until Ben was out of sight then snuck around Keeper's Cottage. Part of him chastised himself. Why was he doing this? Why did he care? This is part of the past, a past that's long been buried. He's happy now.

He's near the backdoor to Victoria's house when he begins to hear the voices coming from within. It's the woman, Ellie. She was in the middle of saying something.

"Tomorrow."

"Why didn't he just come with ya?" Victoria replied.

"He's caught up with work. You know how he is, it's all about work, and how much money heat making."

"Just like the old Robert." Was Victoria's response. "Guess he'll never change."

And fuck how he wanted to burst through that backdoor shouting. She didn't know her brother. She never really did.

"To be honest...I think it's just, this place. It's like it hurts too much to even think about it." Ellie's voice sounds sincere, concerned even. "Whenever I bring it up he always tries to change the subject. It took me forever to get him to agree to this."

"How long are you guys staying then?"

"Only a couple of days."

"Just a couple of days?"

"He's got a lot on his plate with work. You know how it is."

"Well, a couple of days is better than none."

"Yeah...oh wait...it's him, it's Robert." Ellie says as a ringtone chimes loudly. "Hiya. Yeah, I'm with Victoria now. Yeah. Okay, I'll let her know. Yeah, okay, I'll see you tomorrow then. I love you. Bye."

_I love you._

He remembers saying those same words to him years ago, and he can't help but feel a string of jealousy as he imagines those were the same words the woman heard in return. He doesn't know why he cares. He shouldn't.

_I'll see you tomorrow._

Tomorrow. Robert will be back tomorrow.

_Robert._


	2. Chapter 2

**PART TWO - ROBERT**

* * *

It had been quick, too quick really, and all in a panic, but he still remembered that day. It had been ingrained in his brain, like a tattoo on skin, it was recorded there forever. So little time and so many words, but even with all the panic and sad goodbyes he remembered it all. He remembers Seb crying as he said goodbye, Victoria's tears, Liv's, the horrible looks Chas shot at him for what he was doing to Aaron. It was the worst day of his life because in spite of what they were doing, running, deep down he knew it had been the end.

It's been eight years, eight long years, and things were so different, life was so different. He wasn't the same. Not since he lost everything. Not since his life ended for all intents and purposes.

He had served time in prison, hard time, surrounded by the worst of the worst. He saw things, did things, and as hard as he had tried to make himself, he knows deep down that there's parts of himself he will never recover. It was all a punishment, a punishment he deserved, or at least one he felt he did.

He had relented to the hell he found himself in, and with no light at the end of the tunnel, more than once he ended up in the infirmary for hurting himself, a habit he had adopted from his husband. Somehow, hurting himself made him feel closer to Aaron, putting himself through the same things he had. It was mental, he that, he did. Still, any semblance of Aaron he could get, he would desperately take. He had been in and out of the prison's infirmary for nearly two years when he was sent into a psych evaluation for his problems, and nearly three months with the prison counselor before he opened up.

It had been a hard road but Nora got him to talk. It started out with small things at first, how his day was going, how he was feeling, why he felt that way, and that lead to the bigger things. There was just a warmth to her, she made him feel safe, she was almost motherly. It made him drop his guard enough to let her in, get to the root of all things, the root of his problems, his lack of self worth, and where it came from. She got him to see things he had been too stubborn to see before, helped him work through them, and helped him see that he was worth something. He was worth more than he ever believed he was.

She boasted about what a different person he had become since she began working with him, and in time suggested he fight for himself. She had his file, she knew what he was in for, what had happened, and how. Even she knew the justice system had failed him. For years, he felt he deserved to be there, alone, but thanks to her, he knew he deserved better. Nora helped him decide to fight for an appeal, it was a step towards his recovery, towards him fighting for himself, believing in himself, believing he was worth something.

The fight had taken months, and money he had to spare, but it happened. He got an appeal and won. The judge that ruled over it agreed, his charge and sentence had been unjust, and though he was not released with time served, his sentence had been cut in half.

Everything felt different when he first stepped out of the gates when he had been released. The clothes he went in with no longer fit the same, the air against his skin, in his nose, the sunshine, it was all so different. Even though he had not been deprived of most of those things in prison, they still felt different. He had found himself walking aimlessly for hours, he wasn't sure of what to do. As much as every fiber of his being ached to call his family, to call Aaron, he knew he had put them through enough. They had all moved on with their lives, they had forgotten him.

As the day began to turn night, things turned for a change when a car pulled up beside him. The stranger driving offered him a ride, only problem was he did not know where he was going.

Things were different now, a whole year had passed since then, and things were very different. He was happy again. Not like before. No, he knows deep down he'll never be that happy again, so much has changed, so many things have been broken, but this would do. 

Everything had been going great, everything had been on track until he got serious with Ellie. When they officially moved in together, she pushed him to reconnect with his family. She had come from a broken family and hated to see what missing his family had done to him. She couldn't help herself.

When he finally reached out and called Victoria, everything started out with a promise. She wasn't to tell Aaron. He couldn't ruin his life again. They reconnected, she cried, he cried, and he was caught up on everything that had happened since he went away. 

And now he found himself frozen. He sat in his car, frozen in what felt like fear. He had been to prison. He had been surrounded by murderers, rapists, and drug dealers, but even that didn't terrify him as much as this did. His eyes stayed locked onto the sign that stared back at him from a distance, as if mocking him. He had agreed to this, and now he wished he could take it back.

_ Welcome to Emmerdale _

The sign just stood there, still mocking him, making him want to turn and hit the pedal.  _ Boy racer, _ he had thought the nickname to himself. Never had he wanted to run more than now, yet something stopped him from doing so, something kept him from flooring it. It was bound to happen. Both his past and his future waited for him there in the village. 

Aaron and Ellie.

It was only a matter of time but he knew he had to face it. Now that he had reconnected with Victoria, it was bound to happen. His past and present would collide.

Ellie knew all about him, he didn't keep many secrets from her, especially not about who he was. He would never hide that again. She knew all about Aaron, about everything they had been through together, that wasn't the problem, it never had been.

He knew what he was afraid of more than anything.

Aaron.

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**PART THREE - ROBERT & AARON**

* * *

Emmerdale, the village was still there as if it stood still in time while he was gone, yet it felt so different. So many happy memories all living under the shadows of the bad ones. The same memories he's tried to move past, to put away, the same ones that always seem to right back to bite him in the arse. Robert takes a deep breath, his hands tight on the steering wheel of his car as he sits parked outside Keeper's Cottage. His knuckles are white from the tight grip, but he gives in, and releases the wheel before opening the door and stepping out. He can't quite help the feeling of something familiar, sneaking around, trying not to be seen, wanting no one to know what he's doing, and for a minute he thinks of her. Chrissie. It stings. Still. Just another name in the list of people whose lives he feels are on his hands.

He had sat low in his car waiting for the right opportunity, waiting for the moment when no one was outdoors, so he can make his quick escape into Victoria's home. The longer he could avoid everything, the better. Only the universe was never on his side. Never.

"ROBERT!" He heard the old familiar voice, joyous, loud, and almost obnoxious. It boomed through the streets, reverberating against the walls of all the old building.

Fucking Jimmy King. Of course it would be Jimmy. 

"ROBERT! WHAT…WHAT ARE YOU...WHEN DID YOU GET IN?" Jimmy stumbled about as he quickly jogged towards him, wrapping his arms around him. When people talk about bear hugs, Jimmy King is probably who they think of.

Robert couldn't help but roll his eyes, trying his best not to just shove Jimmy off. No reason for Jimmy to act like they hadn't kept in contact all this time. He was still helping out with the haulage firm, albeit from back home, his new home.

"Jimmy." He got out barely able to breath against the tight grip around him, the corners of his mouth slightly turning up in a smile. He could try and hide it, but he was actually happy to see Jimmy, he had probably been his only friend.

"Oh, good. I assume you're here to take a bigger role in the business." Nicola came scowling. "Jimmy here's been running himself ragged." She followed before letting her scowl turn into a smile as she pulled Jimmy off him, only to wrap her own arms around him. "It's so good to see you Robert. Now we can't stop pretending we don't know anything about you." She made a face as if playing off that she wasn't as happy as Jimmy to see him.

"Sorry, mate." Robert looked to Jimmy. "Only here for family, just a couple of days, and then we're heading back out."

"Nothing bad, I hope." Jimmy's smile quickly turned into a sad one.

"No, quite the opposite really."

"Well, it must be you then, otherwise we would have heard about whatever it is around here already. So go on, spit it out."

This is the part where he would normally clench up. It's his business. Nobody needs to know about what's going on in his life. Things are better though. He's happy again..something he never thought he would be.

"Me and Ellie...we're,"

"getting married?" Nicola finished for him.

Robert smiled and nodded his response only now looking around as movement out of the corner of his eyes caught his attention. Luckily, the streets were still empty.

"Ha!" Nicola laughed as she swung an arm over her shoulder, slapping Jimmy across his chest. "You owe me fifty quid."

Robert's brows furrowed in confusion. "What?"

"Nico here was convinced you would do it."

"Do what?"

"Marry Ellie, of course." Nicola answered.

"And you didn't?" Robert questioned Jimmy almost offended.

Jimmy simply pursed his lips and looked down to the floor.

"Who, this old romantic?" Nicola leaned back into Jimmy. "No, he was convinced you'd end up right back with…" And there it was, the same old tactless Nicola who was better than anyone at being so dry. Foot right in her mouth.

She didn't even have to finish the sentence, he knew what she meant, what she was going to say and it all felt like a blow to the gut. A part of him, maybe deep down, always hoped for it, but he had burned that bridge down long ago. He wouldn't let himself think of it, not anymore. He was happy now, and so was Aaron.

"I uh...I should get to Vic's." He said, the sudden pit in his stomach nearly making his voice break. "They're uh...they're waiting for me."

"Yeah, okay. Maybe we'll see you later, yeah?" Nicola cleared her throat. "You can stop by ours and we can have a drink, go over some contracts?" Right back into business.

Robert chuckled. "Yeah, maybe."

~~~~~~

In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. Aaron took a deep breath as he ducked back into the doorway, his heart feeling like it was about to give, he couldn't believe his eyes. He had been too busy shouting over his shoulder, his mother mithering him about something or other, that he had not been paying too much attention. It had almost been too late, one second later, and he would have been spotted.

He had almost frozen in place, unable to believe his eyes. Robert. Robert fucking Sugden stood just across the street, too busy talking to Jimmy and Nicola to have spotted him. 

He counted himself lucky. There was too much to say, too much to feel, and it just wasn't the time. Not now. He had only heard the day before that Robert was going to be there, and he still hadn't wrapped his head around it. Part of him almost expected to have heard wrong, maybe he had gotten the wrong end of a stick. His eyes had not lied to him though, he knew who he had seen, he could feel it in his bones.

And just like that he was taken back by memories flooding him, good and bad, his breathing settled, and he came to a realisation. He was smiling fondly. He could feel a shadow of a pit in his stomach, but he smiled anyway. After everything that had happened, he was happy now. He was married, Robert was getting married. Perhaps, Robert had also moved on, also found a happiness he deserved. The thought alone made him feel something warm inside himself and a burst of something made him open the door and walk out. 

He missed Robert, he missed their friendship, and he couldn't let anything stop him from wanting that back in his life. A promise long forgotten came to mind. Robert had nearly died, and taken a part of Aaron with him, but after everything, he made it through, and through tears, Robert had let him go. Aaron had made his choice, it had been a lie to himself, but he had made it, and in the end. He had offered his friendship to Robert. 

_"What kind of friend would you be to me?"_

_"A good one."_

Robert had sacrificed so much for others, for him, for his sister, and shunned himself in the process. He had been sentenced to life in prison, and although it seemed he had not served it all, Robert had served much longer than any stint Aaron had. He couldn't help but swallow past the lump that had built in his throat, the thought of being on the inside was something he'd rather forget. He couldn't imagine what Robert had been through. If he ever needed a friend more than ever, now was the time.

And he wouldn't fail him. Not again.

"There you are." Ben grabbed him by his hips and pulled him closer to himself as Aaron stepped outside of the Woolpack where he had been hiding momentarily. "Your mum said you were being right weird."

Aaron shook his head in confusion, his eyesight peering over Ben, looking for something, for someone. "What?" He responded, his voice laced with disappointment when he noticed Robert was no longer there.

"Your mum, she said you seemed off, distracted. How's about I take you into town, and get your head out of whatever it is that has you worrying your mother?" He asked.

"No." He was quick to shoot down. "I'm good really, I think I just need a lie down."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Just need some rest." He lied. "But why don't we have tea at the Wooly later tonight?"

"Yeah, okay." 

Between Harry and work, Victoria didn't have much time to shop for groceries, Aaron knew it. He'd often see Diane doing the shopping for her. No way she would have anything for Robert's return, not too mention she'd want to do something at least a bit more special, all things considered. Robert was getting married after all.

He couldn't help but hope that maybe, just maybe, they'd have dinner at the Wooly. 

He smiled thinking about finally speaking to Robert. After all this time.

Robert was back.


	4. Chapter 4

**PART 4 - ROBERT & AARON**

* * *

The Pub. The fucking pub. Of course it was going to be the pub. As if there was no other place on Earth they could go to. As much as he dreads the sight of it, he can't help but feel the warmth that spreads through his chest just looking at it. The Woolpack. It holds so many fond memories, it had been his home for a minute after all. It's where he first started waking next to Aaron regularly, they had been official, they had been everything.

"You sure this is okay?" Ellie asked, gently tugging at Robert's arm as she wrapped her own around it. "If it's too weird...we could just go into town."

"No...it's...it's okay, really." Robert assured her. "I can't avoid the village the entire time we're here, can I?" He gave her a soft smile.

Victoria had wanted to celebrate the occasion, of course she did, she had made a big fuss over him ever since he got out. He could see it in her face, in her eyes, the guilt. It was something that ate away at him. Deep down, a small part of him felt resent towards her, he supposes he might do for the rest of his life, and the better part of him was just happy to see her happy. If celebrating his engagement eased off any of her guilt, he'd let her do it, even if it meant doing it at the pub.

Like the way everything quiets seconds before a thunder strikes, the pub fell silent the second he walked in. Half the village was there, or at least half the Dingles that is, along with a few other familiar faces.

"Robert!" Good old Sam Dingle was the first to voice his pleasure at seeing him again. He stood from the table he sat at, Lydia following right behind him. A quick round of hugs all the while Robert made faces, pretending to enjoy them ensued. He had been one of them not that long ago, the Dingles, or at least he had for a short stint. Though they weren't all his favorites, there were a few he was fond of.

"Sugden." Cain gave him a subtle nod, his ultimate sign of respect.

Charity made some sort of joke about him weaseling his way out, Brenda made note to gossip later, and everything stopped when Aaron walked in from the back.

The noisy banter that had erupted around Robert had just as quickly died out. It almost seemed like an unspoken rule. Everyone should quiet for them. 

Everything he had feared was happening, and happening fast, only thing was, it wasn't bad. Aaron gave him a soft smile and nodded. A wave of comfort suddenly flushed through him, and his shoulders dropped, relaxed. The tension that had nearly built up, all melted away at the smile.

"Robert." Aaron's voice, still the same, spoke in a soft tone. There was no anger there, no sadness, it was cool and collected. It felt like old friends greeting each other after having spent so long apart.

"Aaron." Robert smiled in return and stuck his hand out, formal as fuck.

Aaron took it, they shook hands, a hint of uneasiness quickly flashed through him before disappearing as Ellie softly gripped his arm, and stood on her toes next to him. "You two should catch up." She spoke softly towards Robert's ear. She knew who Aaron was, she had seen pictures of him.

"You sure?" Robert asked.

Ellie nodded as she gave his arm a soft tug, and leaned in to kiss his cheek. "Might as well." She said and made her way to a corner booth with Victoria, Hayy, and Diane behind her.

And again a small wave of uneasiness hit him as Aaron just stood there, rocking on his feet, hands in pocket, and lips pursed, as if unsure of just what to say. "So...you want a beer?" Is all Aaron could ask.

"Uhm...yeah...sure." He nodded in response.

"Come on then." Aaron turned and made his way around the bar and through the doors behind it. Right back to the old stomping grounds in a matter of speaking.

Robert swallowed past the lump that had formed in his throat and followed, keeping his eyes trained on the floor, as he felt Chas staring a whole through him. He couldn't read her, not really, which was odd. She had always been easy to read, that almost constant look of disapproval on her face gave her away. As he stepped closer to her, he couldn't help it, the small hope that he'd see some sort of welcoming look got the better of him. His eyes lifter to meet hers, and for the briefest of moments he saw what looked like a sad smile. Pitty. It had to be pitty. 

"Congratulations are in order." Aaron held out a beer for him as soon as he walked into the living room.

"What?" Robert's eyes widened in confusion.

"Your engagement…" Aaron spoke, almost questioning.

"How'd you…"

"I sort of overheard Vic, yesterday."

"Oh." Robert took the beer as the levity of it all hit him. Here they were, feet apart, yet a lifetime away from each other. So many things unsaid. So many things left behind.

"That and we'll... you're free aren't ya?" There was a sadness in his eyes. A look that begged for answers, answers to questions he clearly wasn't really able to ask.

"Aaron...I…"

"You don't owe me anything, Robert. You don't need to explain yourself." Aaron meant the words. He had come to terms with everything long ago. It took him ages to, but he did. He had been angry for so long, but once he was able to wrap his head around things, once he gave himself the time to grieve, to think for himself, he understood. He knew what Robert had done, why he'd done it, and as much as it hurt back then, he loved him all the more for it.

"I...I…" Robert felt something coming back, a familiar feeling, one that had nagged at him for years. The guilt. Everything had been his fault, like always. He always managed to ruin the good things in his life.

Aaron simply reached out and wrapped his arms around him. He squeezed tightly and held on for what felt like a lifetime.

"I'm just glad you're back." Aaron spoke, his voice almost breaking. "I'm glad you're happy again...you are happy, right?" He asked, pulling back and looking directly at him.

Robert nodded. "Yeah. I really am."

"Good." Aaron nodded as he released his grip around Robert and stepped back. He walked around the sofa and gestured for Robert to join him.

~~~~~~

  
  


He felt a bit different, sturdier maybe, and yeah, he looked a bit different. Leaner, more muscular, longer hair, but he still had that same skin, those same freckles, and he still smelled the same. He couldn't help but feel a soft flutter in his stomach.

His eyes weren't the same though. They weren't as soft. They weren't as bright as they used to be. Aaron could swear that Robert's eyes would light up a room when he walked in, his eyes were every bit as vibrant as he was. All cockiness and attitude, full of assurance. Now, there was something timid about them, full of uncertainty. He remembered just how broken he felt inside, the little bit of time he had served had nearly broken him, and Robert had been in there for years. God how he hated the world sometimes.

"Are you?" Robert's soft voice pulled him from his thoughts. That voice. Still soft. Not as soft as the way it sounded when he spoke to him in the past. Not like that voice that Robert _used_ to reserved for only him.

"What?"

"Please tell me you're happy." Robert said, a hopeful look glistening in his eyes.

"Yeah." Aaron nodded. He really was. It was a different kind of happy, he supposes that's normal, after all he was living a different life now. "I'm marri…" The words got stuck in his throat, he wasn't sure why.

"Married." Robert answered for him, his eyes gesturing to Aaron's hand, to his wedding band.

"Uh...yeah. Going to be a year now in just a few. Me mum's doing me head in about it. You know her, always trying to throw some sort of Dingle do."

Robert chuckled, his eyes doing this thing that Aaron took for him remembering those dos, and a sad smile spread across his own face. Robert had been one of them. _Had._

"I'd invite you, but... that'd be weird." He tried to laugh.

"Same." Robert joined in the awkward laughter.

This was weird. It was well weird. Them. Talking like this. Talking like they were simply old friends. A simple friendship was something they had always failed at. Like fighting against nature. But now…

"I'd invite you to the wedding, but that would be way beyond weird." They both nervously laughed.

"I'm really happy for you." Aaron broke the weirdness, only to make it even more weird when he reached out and placed his free hand on Robert's thigh.

"Oi! There you are." Ben called out as he walked through the door, Chas trailing in behind him.

Both Aaron and Robert quickly stood up, frozen in place like a deer caught in headlights.

"Is everything okay?" Ben asked. "I've been waiting for ages."

"What?" Aaron finally found his voice to ask. "We were meant to be meeting with the party planner an hour ago." 

"I'm...I'm sorry to have kept you." Robert interrupted. "I should...get back to Ellie." He said as he gave Aaron a hint of a smile before walking away.

"Who was that?" Ben asked as he looked between Aaron and Chas.

Chas gave Aaron an apologetic look as if asking for forgiveness. "I'll...I'll leave you boys to it."

"Aaron, what's going on? Who was that?"

He licked his lips, feeling strange like he had been hiding something, asking himself if he had. 

"That was…" He paused unsure of how to really answer the question.

"That was my ex husband."

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are enjoying this fic, if you are, please leave me some feedback. What are you liking? What are you not liking?

**PART FIVE - AARON**

* * *

"That was your ex husband?" Ben had asked, his voice the sound of insecurity. "What...what did he want?"

The question, the tone, almost accusatory. It nearly made Aaron flip. How dare Ben immediately jump to such a conclusion. Robert meant no harm. Robert was innocent. 

"What are you getting at?" He asked in return.

"Well, you two seemed pretty cozy back here." 

Aaron nearly flinched at the accusation. "Cozy? We were just talking."

"About?"

"Where's all this coming from?"

"Well?"

"Well what?" Aaron nearly bit back. Whatever this was with Ben, he was way out of line.

"What were you two talking about?"

"Just...catching up. Haven't seen each other in ages. That's it."

Ben let out a deep breath as he sat on the arm of the sofa, crossing his arms, and looking into Aaron's eyes. "Look...I'm sorry." He began. "I...I don't know why I blew upike that. I guess…" He stopped for a moment, his eyes focused, clearly thinking on what to say next or how to word it. "I guess I just freaked out cos I don't know anything about him. You've never told me what happened between you two, and every time I've asked even the slightest question about him, everyone just clams up. No one really talks about him."

He was right, Aaron had never told him much past the fact that he had been married before, that things had ultimately broken down, and that Robert had left him. He told Ben all he could bear to tell him, all he dared to bring back up. It hadn't mattered anyway, it had long been in the past. His relationship with Victoria had also strained, so nothing ever came from her, she and Ben knew each other, but didn't go farther past acknowledgement of each other. As for the rest of the singles, it was as if they had formed some sort of pact, for the betterment of Aaron, they had all but forgotten Robert, and any time that even Sam would drop the name, they'd all give him a staring.

For all intents and purposes, it was as if Robert hadn't even existed. The thought alone sent an ache through Aaron's chest. 

He sat back down, taking a deep breath, he paused, and took a gulp from the untouched beer he had been holding all along. "He was in prison." Aaron said, his voice full of sadness as he remembered. His mind digging through, pulling out boxes of memories he had put away long ago.

"He what?" Ben gasped in shock.

"He was in prison." Aaron reiterated.

"Why?"

"Murder."

"Murder? Aaron! What the hell were you doing with him all alone?"

"Don't you dare accuse him of anything." Aaron nearly shouted, a bit of the old him coming back, the old him that would defend Robert until his dying breath. He took another breath and backed down. "He...he didn't mean to kill him." It was all just coming back, hurting almost just as much as back then.

"Who did he kill?" Ben asked stepping closer to Aaron.

"Vic…" Aaron paused part of him wanting to hold on to things as they were. This was her story, Victoria's, no one else's.

"Victoria?" 

"She's...she's Robert's sister."

"And what does she have to…"

"She was raped…"

Ben's face dropped, the look on his face changed the moment he heard the word raped. Aaron had told him about his own past, about the horrors he had suffered, shortly after they were engaged. Ben knew what that meant to Aaron. "Did...did he kill the bastard who did that to her."

Aaron all but confirmed Ben's suspicions with a nod. "Wasn't that simple though." Aaron huffed. "Lee...that scumbag out Vic through hell. He toyed with her for weeks on end, making threats of all sorts, especially after he found out she was pregnant…"

"Fuck...Harry?" Ben asked.

Aaron nodded.

"Is...is that why you can't stand to be around him?"

The question felt like a blow to the gut. He hated how it sounded, what it insinuated, that he held some sort of disgust for the son of a rapist. It wasn't that simple though.

"No...no...I couldn't…" Aaron nearly cried. "I just...for so long he reminded me of what I had lost...and...and then me and Vic...we just fell out, and I, I dunno, I felt guilty for how I had felt towards him. So, I just never tried."

"What did you lose?"

"Robert...he, uh, he was all over Lee for weeks. Kept trying to catch him doing the same to other girls, hoping he'd find a way to get him sent down. It caused so much aggro with Vic, it was making things worse, but I got him to stop, I got him to back off." He took a deep breath, the memories still flooding back to him. "Then Vic and Diane, they pulled him back in, they made him promise to get rid of him, and he tried to pay Lee off, get him to just disappear. Only, when they gave him the money, he wanted more, after everything, that scumbag wanted more." He seethed through gritted teeth. "When Robert refused to give him more, Lee, he confessed to it, what he'd done to Vic. He threatens to do it again, to some other girl, and...he just lost it, Robert lost it. They fought and...when Lee tried to walk away Robert...he just, he hit him over the head with a shovel."

He remembered vividly, he remembered the look on Robert's face, the fear of what he had done, what it meant, what could possibly happen. "He didn't die there, he lived, he was okay for weeks in the hospital, but in the end he suffered a hemorrhage. He died...and Robert went down for it." Aaron said. "He got life."

Everything was out. All the things he had kept hidden, stored away, had finally been let out. Aaron had finally told Ben everything. Part of him wasn't sure why he hadn't already. Ben had been the light in the darkness he had lived in for so many years, yet he had never been able to truly tell him about a part of his life. It was all out now. 

He listened, and like always, he had taken Aaron into his arms, he apologized for acting out the way he had, and promised to never do it again. 

The night came, and back in his home, in bed, Aaron kept his eyes on the ceiling. The dark swallowing everything around him, letting his thoughts overtake him like a shadow darker than even the night. 

Things had changed. Aaron could feel it, the change that had happened, it was faint but it was there. His marriage had changed. 

He relieved his past, he let Ben into a part of his life he had spirited away, and Ben felt like it meant something. They had shared something special, they had become closer than ever through the experience.

He had seen Robert again after all these years, and he found happiness in knowing that Robert was happy again.

Maybe with time, things could be like they were in the past, only different. Maybe this time he and Robert could be friends. 

He brought a hand to his mouth covering it, he closed his eyes, and let if brush against his lips as he let his mind wander into a haze. Letting everything the day had brought go, he felt himself falling asleep. The soft static of a quiet house, quiet room, and the warmth of his bed enveloped him. A peaceful lull took him as he felt a soft embrace around his waist, his husband, the constant by his side, but his last thought went somewhere else.

His fingers brushed against his lips as his slumber embraced him, and he remembered how his hand had held onto Robert's thigh.

He was right. Things had changed.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're on Twitter, feel free to follow me @robbleraptor, I tend to talk about robron a lot, and I also post sneak peeks.


	6. Chapter 6

**PART SIX - ROBERT & AARON**

* * *

The world had suddenly shifted, everything felt dark, heavy, and all it took for the memories to rush back was the loud sound of metal clashing from the Garage.

One second he's stepping out of the coffee with an Americano in hand, and then everything changes. He's on the ground, he feels the blows to his back, his chest, his sides, his head. He feels the attacks. He feels it all.

He's back there. He's back there and all he wants to do is die. He doesn't want to be back there. He doesn't want to remember it. He doesn't want to relive it. The fear. The anger. The loneliness.

"No. No. No. No. No. No." The word keeps slipping past his lips, barely a whisper. His fingers tighten around the hairs threaded through them, his hands bunched at his head, as he cradles on the floor against the wall of the cafe. Safety, maybe, if even a little. He nestled himself between the door and table almost as soon as the sound echoed through the village, afraid of what was coming, of what he might do, or what may be done to him.

Ellie tried her best. She really did. It wasn't the first time something like this had happened, and it wouldn't be the last, but by now she knew the best thing to do was to give him space, to allow him the time to come to his senses. She kneeled to the ground near him, her voice calm and loving as she reminded him where he was. It never really helped though, her voice couldn't cut through it all. Not the memories, not fear, or the anger.

His fingers tighten further, the sharp pain at his scalp nearly making him feel something else, maybe that would help. Maybe pain would bring him back.

"It's okay." A soft voice spoke, the tone so soft it could calm the raging violence of the sea at storm. "It's okay. You're safe." It said. The voice sounded so familiar. "Just breath."

For a moment, Robert heard the metal bang again, and for a moment he completely shut down. Then the voice changed. From the soft and calm tone to a boom of strength. "OI." It shouted. "STOP THAT! STOP!" And just as quickly, it changed again. "Robert." It's okay. "You're safe." 

The darkness began to lift, and the warm touch that was suddenly his shoulders made him feel safe. "It's okay, just look at me." The voice spoke. "Look at me, Robert."

His eyes opened and the world righted itself. Calm overtook him. The blue eyes staring back at him reminded him, he was home, he was safe.

"Aaron?" His voice broke. "I…"

"Everything's okay." Ellie rushed to his side, giving Aaron a thankful nod for what he had done. Her fingers cradling his face, her thumbs wiping off the tears he hadn't realized where spilling from his eyes, and her lips gently pressing against his forehead, everyone of her actions felt calming. He closed his eyes and knew he was safe. 

_It's_ okay, _just look at me._ He heard Aaron's words in his mind. His eyes took one last look at Aaron's, then closed closed in a flutter, and for the briefest of moments, he imagined all those things had been done by someone else.

When he opened his eyes back up, Aaron was no longer in front of him, he stood back, watching along with others. Aaron was no longer by his side. He wasn't a part of his life anymore. Aaron just like everyone was just a spectator. He noticed the strange look in his eyes, a look he couldn't quite discern, a look that turned to one of sadness when Aaron's eyes looked at Ellie.

"I...I'm sorry." He finally found his voice as his eyes fell upon Ellie's. "I don't know what happened." 

"Don't be daft." She replied. "Here, let me help you up." She said gently grabbing a hold of his arm and helping him onto his feet. "Do you want to go have a lie down?" 

The fear, the claustrophobic feeling of everything coming in around him, it all faded. He was used to it. He had to be. It wouldn't be the last time this would happen. What he hated was looks. The way people looked at him after. He hated feeling like a wounded animal, people looking at him as if he were about to break. "Yeah." His voice nearly broke despite how hard he tried to keep it together.

Life in prison had been hard, harder than even he thought it would have been, it had taken a part of him, a part he knew he'd never get back along with all those years.

He leaned into Ellie nearly losing his footing, and began to walk, kept his eyes trained to the ground as he walked past Aaron, and heard Ellie thank him once again.

"Thank you, Aaron." She said kindly.

"Yeah...no problem." Aaron's own voice sounded strained.

"Maybe we can just have a day in today, yeah?" Ellie's attention was back on him. "A day in front of the telly? How does that sound?"

"That sounds perfect." He replied. His mind was somewhere else now. The day they had planned with the wedding planner was the last thing he wanted to do. Being around anyone is the last thing he wanted to do really. 

He swallowed past the lump that had built in his throat and thought about how he just wanted to be alone, and then his head had turned, and his eyes had locked onto Aaron's. 

~~~~~~

Muffled sounds played in the background, they were loud yet felt like they were miles away. Like static hissing, constantly there, they persisted as his mind drifted away into darkness. Just like the episode earlier, another side effect. His counselor tells him it's a coping mechanism he must have developed while he was inside. It was common. So many people go in and tend to fall into themselves, into their heads, in order to cope with their situations. Prison life is hard after all. 

As his mind drifted between nothing and darkness, the muffled noises in the back changed, they became louder, changed in rhythm, and then -

_Knock knock knock knock_

He'd been too lost in his own mind to notice the notices had actually been knocking at the door. Shaking his head, he stood from his seat and walked towards the door.

"Coming " he called and flipped the switch along the entry, the light outside the door turning on, and revealing a form just outside.

"Aaron?" The name left his lips as he opened the door. "What...uhm...if you're looking for Vic, you just missed her." Victoria had tried to get him out of his head, insisted on dragging him and Ellie into Hotten. She boasted about a bridal shop that they just had to check out. In the end he had declined, he couldn't deal with being around other people. In the end, Robert had conceived Ellie to join her, and at last, he had gotten the peace he was desperate for.

"Uhm...Vic left hours ago." Aaron's face scrunched in confusion. "I saw her leave with your...uh..with Ellie."

"What?" Robert's own face did the same. There was no way Aaron was correct. He couldn't be. He turned his wrist up and looked at his watch. "Shit...I...I guess I must have lost time."

"I uh...I wanted to stop by and see how you were."

"I'm good." Lie.

"You sure?" Aaron asked, an old familiar look spreading across his face.

"Yeah, really. Couldn't be better." Another lie.

"You're so full of shit." 

Robert couldn't help the soft chuckle that escaped his lips. Of course Aaron could tell. That was the look on his face. That face he always made when he caught him in a lie, when he called him out on his bullshit. He raised an arm and scratched the back of his head. "I've been better."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Not really."

"You know you can talk to me right?" Aaron asked, his eyes doing this thing that made Robert feel something deep in his chest. "Still."

"That sound...that fucking sound." He tried to choke back the tears he could feel building in his eyes, and fuck he hated how eak he was, how eak prison had made him. "It just...I dunno, it triggered something. I heard it, I heard it and I was right back there, and I panicked, and I…"

A soft touch to his chest made him feel at ease. "Breath, Robert. Just breathe." Aaron was guiding him back towards the sofa in Victoria's living room.

"What?"

"I think you're about to have a panic attack." Aaron's voice was calm, and soft. "Looked at me, Robert. Look at me and breathe."

He did as he was told, he turned his sight to Aaron's eyes, the calming blue of an ocean, staring back at him. There was a serenity there, a peacefulness he had never felt anywhere else, and he could breathe again.

"Take a seat will ya?" Aaron ordered him more than asked, and turned for the kitchen. "I'm going to make you a cuppa."

Somewhere between the ocean blue and cuppa, Robert had lost himself again, only it was different. He was there, he was present. He wasn't floating in a void of darkness between static and nothing. He was floating in memories, in warmth, in a feeling he remembers all too well. The feeling that kept him going those years, it was there, and it felt like the warmth of sunshine on a cold day.

If only he hadn't ruined everything.

"I've been meaning to ask…" Aaron n looked nervous. He held a hug ose to his chest, his eyes darting between it and Robert's own eyes.

"I'm not sure I'll be able to answer, but you can ask." He was honest. His time I side wasn't something he wanted to think about. They had spent time talking about innocent memories, about what Aaron had been up to, but Aaron had been kind enough not to ask about prison. They'd always been god at voiding serious things at certain times.

"How's Seb?"

Like a knife to his heart he felt the question. A sharp pain, one of many new ones. "I…" There was the lump in his throat again. "I'm not sure." He looked away.

"Robert?"

"I don't know, Aaron."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I haven't...I haven't spoken to him or seen him since." He answered referring to his release from prison.

Aaron's eyes glistened with unshed tears at his words. It was obvious they hit him hard. "How?" He asked. "How could...our...your little boy, Robert. He's your little boy. How can you stay away?"

His eyes dropped to the floor, the shame he feels over it all too consuming. "Because...because he doesn't need me in his life. I'm a mess, Aaron. He deserves better."

And there it was again. That feeling. He can't deny it. It's in his blood, in his bones. He can hear Jack sneering as if he were next to him, telling him he's no good.

"I destroy everything I touch." His voice broke. "And he has a good life now."

"How…"

"I've spoken to Rebecca." He answered before Aaron could even finish asking. "I at least needed to know that he was okay...and I'm sorry for what she did. You didn't deserve it. You didn't deserve to lose him as well."

Aaron shook his head trying to shake it all off. It was clear there were plenty of feelings still there, still raw, but above all, the sadness is what poured through.

"It's okay, Robert. It was ages ago." He said. "None of it was your fault...well I mean some of it was your fault, you could have not cut us out of your life." He mumbled in a joking way before chuckling. "I mean it though." He was stern. "Please believe me when I say that none of it was your fault."

"Can...can we change the subject?"

"Yeah...sure…." 

Aaron had settled back into his seat, the mug I'm his hand felt less heavy, and he opened his mouth to ask something else when the door opened and Victoria returned with Harry and Ellie behind her.

"Are we interrupting something?" Victoria asked cheekily.

"No. We were just having a cuppa." Aaron raised his mug in gesture. "But maybe I'll get out of your hair now and leave you all to it."

"Nonsense. You should join us for tea." Ellie insisted. "Right, Robert?"

Robert couldn't help the chuckle that left his lips. "You might want to just do as she asks, if you think your mum can be a nag…" He makes a face and nods his head in gesture towards Ellie.

"You little shit." Ellie slaps the back of her hand on his shoulder and laughs as Victoria tries to cover Harry's ears. "Really, Aaron, join us will you?"

Hesitantly, he does, they all gather around the small living room to eat tea, and chatter spills about. They talk about everything and nothing. Robert sits back and can't help but feel how weird it all is. His ex-husband and his wife to be, just getting along. He notices the glances that Ellie takes between him and Aaron, before she always looks back to him and smiles.

As weird as it is, it feels right. Maybe things don't have to be the way they were before. Maybe things can be different.

Maybe things had worked out for the best.

Then he looks back at Aaron and sees him smiling the way he remembers.

Maybe.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any errors, still needs proper editing, but hope you still like it.
> 
> Leave some feedback, tell me what you think.

**PART SEVEN - AARON**

* * *

Suffocating, it's suffocating, and he can't stand it. He tells himself it's the heat, it's what he tells his husband as well, it's what he tells him when he works his way out of his embrace in bed. He doesn't want it, doesn't like it. It's the heat. Yeah, it's the heat. The last thing he wants is someone else's arms wrapped around him. It just doesn't feel right. It feels wrong.

The funny thing is, it hasn't felt wrong before, not really. It's only felt wrong for the past couple of days, it's only felt wrong since…

_"Just look at me, Robert."_ He remembered the moment all too well, the frightened look in those soft eyes, those eyes that used to be so full of life, so full of magic. It was missing. It wasn't there.

Aaron let out a soft breath and slowly slithered out of bed, making sure not to wake Ben. It was half two in the morning and he didn't want company. He wanted to be alone with his thoughts. The questions his husband would bring weren't questions he wanted to even think about.

_What's wrong? Is everything alright?_

Aaron could just hear them in his head as he slowly closed the door to his bedroom, and making his way down the spiral staircase.

_Everything's wrong. No, nothing's alright. Not now, not like this, not as long as I keep lying to myself._

He shut his eyes, squeezing them tightly, and all he could see were those eyes, those scared eyes. That wasn't Robert. That wasn't his Robert.

That was the problem though, wasn't it? Robert wasn't his, not anymore.

Robert belonged to someone else. Robert was happy, and he deserved it. Aaron knew it, felt it deep in his bones, Robert deserved to be happy.

"Everything alright?" And there it was. Ben's voice broke him from his thoughts.

Aaron took a deep breath and rolled his head against the back of the sofa where he sat, and looked back towards Ben.

"Yeah." He lied. "Just couldn't sleep, too warm. Didn't want to wake ya." He lied again. 

Lying had become like second nature to him. Nothing major, small lies here and there, details left out, that sort of thing. He loved Ben, he really did, but there were parts of himself he could never give over, never reveal. He just couldn't. It wasn't easy, not like it was with Robert.

"You want a cuppa?" Ben asked already in the kitchen.

_I want Robert, is what I want._ The words blared in his head. Like neon lights lighting up a dark sky, they blared.

"Aaron?"

"Uh...yeah, go on." He shook the thought out, he had to. The thought couldn't lead anywhere good. He was married, about to celebrate his one year anniversary, and Robert had his own life. He couldn't ruin that, couldn't ruin Robert's life.

"I heard about Robert." Ben spoke as he gathered a pair of mugs from the cupboards, the kettle already rolling on the stove.

"You what?" His attention finally piqued at the name.

"Brenda, she told me that Robert had an episode of some sort yesterday morning outside the café, said you were there."

"Yeah." He replied, the memory still fresh in his mind. Those eyes, those haunted eyes, still there looking back at him.

"D'you know what happened? Is he alright? Should he be out and about if he isn't stable?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean!" Aaron seethed. The question, no, the accusation, it struck a nerve for more reasons than one, but he couldn't believe that Ben would suggest such a thing.

Ben jumped in place, the mugs in his hands nearly dropping to the floor. "I...I just meant, with him just getting out of prison, maybe he's not all there, maybe he's not as put together as he looks."

"What because being in prison makes you some sort of psycho?" He pushed back. He had been in prison, he knew what it's like, he knew what it could do to people, and Robert didn't deserve any of it.

"I...I just…"

"I've been in prison before." And just like that, for the first time he'd admitted it to Ben. "Does that make me crazy?"

"You what?"

"Yeah, I've been to prison, more than once, does that make me unhinged?"

"No, that's...you know that's not what I mean!" Ben finally raised his voice in return.

"Then what did you mean? Go on then, tell me?" The anger he felt was overwhelming, it had driven him to a point where his hands were both bunches into fists at his sides. It was an old and familiar feeling, the same he felt towards Lachlan when he threatened Robert, the same he felt when anyone threatened Robert.

Robert. This was all about Robert. Ben had made assumptions about Robert and it sent him into that same place. Ben didn't know Robert, no one other than him really did. He had no place to make any assumptions.

"I just...I just...look I'm sorry, but I don't want you around him if he can lose his shit at any given moment, what if he loses it again? What if he loses it and hurts you?"

"Robert would never hurt me!" He shouted in disbelief. He couldn't believe what was happening.

"And you know that for a fact?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Well I don't." Ben was quick to bite back. He was serious. He had never been more serious, Aaron could see it in his eyes. "I mean it Aaron. I don't want you around him."

That was it, he needed to get out, needed to leave before he did or said anything he would later regret. He turned hot on his heels and went for the door.

"Aaron!" Ben shouted after him, following.

"Don't." Aaron said through gritted teeth as he pointed a finger at his husband. "Don't follow me." And that was it, he turned and grabbed his coat as he left his home. 

Like a fresh breath of air, the cold air of the still dark sky hit his face, it was exactly what he needed. His temper had gotten the best of him in a way that it had not in years. He needed to cool off, he needed some time to himself, some time to think.

It was too late, or maybe too early, to go for a pint, so he did the only thing he could think of. He began walking, clearing his mind of the argument that had set him off, and headed for the place he always did when he needed to think. 

With the stillness in the dark and his visible breath, the only friends keeping him company, he took his time as he walked. It was in moments like this when he realized just how great the village was. This was where the beauty lied, being able to get lost in yourself with no one to bother you. 

As he neared the spot he was heading to, he noticed a dark figure covered by shadows already there. It stood alone and leaned against the rail of the bridge. His bridge. Their bridge. It almost felt like it was sacred, and the thought of anyone else being there made him feel sick.

He began to turn on his feet, ready to go elsewhere, and then he felt it, the pull at his core. Like a magnet he felt a pull towards the bridge, towards the figure, then he saw it double over as if in pain, and he knew.

"Robert!" He nearly shouted as he ran faster than he ever had before.

His breather, Robert's breathing was static. Another panic attack.

"Just breathe, Robert. Just breathe." His voice was soft as his hand rubbed up and down Robert's back. "Look at me, Robert." He nearly lost his own breath when those lost eyes came up to meet his own.

"Aa…Aaron." Robert gasped between breaths.

Aaron shook his head signaling Robert there was no need to speak. "Just breathe. Just breathe."

That feeling was back, that pain, deep inside his chest at the thought of how broken Robert looked. It broke his own heart to think of everything Robert must have gone through, of what had tormented Robert to cause this.

Everything felt as if it had stopped, time itself seemed to have stopped, and all that mattered was the man before him, the broken man he wanted nothing more than to help piece back together. Fuck, he'd give anything for that.

"I...I'm sorry you had to see that again." Robert had finally caught his breath.

"Don't be daft." Aaron shoved at Robert's shoulder nearly toppling him over, making them both laugh as they helped each other up.

"Trouble sleeping?" Robert asked as he leaned back on the rail of the bridge as if nothing had happened.

"That obvious?" 

"Well, it's not even…" Robert squinted his eyes at the watch on his wrist, "three in the morning, and we both know you're not a morning person." He chuckled.

"Neither are you." He gently shoved Robert again, his eyes never leaving him.

"It's not natural!" Robert quickly shot back. "And you can tell Liv I said that." He smiled.

Aaron laughed at that. It was true, Liv had always been a morning person. Annoying as it was, she'd always wake them up doing what she did, stomping about like a herd of elephants. "She missed you, you know?"

Robert's eyes went from the slight smiles on them to a glassy sadness in a blink. "I've missed her too. Just don't tell her I said that." He tried to laugh.

"If you stick around long enough, you might get to see her."

"Yeah?" Robert perked up a bit.

"Yeah, told her you were here and she uh...she cancelled her trip."

Robert looked at him quizzically. "What do you mean?"

"She was backpacking through Europe, wasn't even halfway through her trip with her friends, and she dropped it." He smiled, his eyes still glued to Robert. "Talked to her yesterday, she said she booked a flight home from Rome, so once they get there, she'll be on her way back. Said it should be a couple of days."

"Guess we may have to stay a bit longer." Robert gave him a soft smile.

_We. Ellie._ Aaron could feel his heart sink. His eyes finally dropped to his hands, noticing just how close he had gotten to Robert without even realizing it.

"She'd love that." Aaron said and lifted his eyes back to Robert who was already looking at him. "Getting to see ya again." He finished, barely able to breathe. They were close, so close, he could almost feel his breath. 

_Do it. Do it. Just do it. Just kiss him._ His thoughts shouted to him, he closed his eyes and nearly leaned forward only the snap of a branch interrupted them.

"I...I think I should head back before Ellie notices I'm gone. Don't want to worry her." Robert said with a smile.

"I..uh...yeah, I should probably get back as well." He nodded and turned, his steps moving much quicker than he'd like. "Try and...uh...try and get some sleep." He said over his shoulders, not looking back. He couldn't bring himself to look back, he couldn't, he was too afraid of what he would do.

_What the fuck were you thinking?!_

His head yelled at him. Robert was happy. He couldn't ruin that. No matter what.

Yet, he couldn't stop thinking about him. He couldn't stop thinking about how close they were, how close he was to those lips again. God, those lips. He could almost feel the ghost of them pressed against his own. He remembers how soft they were. He remembers what it was like kissing them. He could never forget them. He could never forget who they belonged to. How could he?

Everything running through his head was leading back to the same place, to the same thing, the same person. Try as he might, ever since he heard the name again, he hasn't been able to think about anything else, not even his own husband.

His husband.

"Fuck." The world slipped past his lips, just a whisper, but it was there. It symbolized his ultimate realization, everything was truly fucked.

He was married to a man he loved, and the man he would always be _in_ love with had come back into his life. One was more important than the other, he always would, there was no getting around it.

"Aaron." He came to a stop as the man that had suddenly popped into his head walked towards him. "I know you said, you didn't want me to follow you, but I was worried."

Guilt hit him like a sledgehammer to the gut. He was being reckless, he was being stupid, and if he wasn't careful, he would end up hurting many people at once. Whatever was going through his mind had to stop. If he had kissed him, if he had kissed Robert, he would have ultimately hurt him.

He would have hurt Ellie and Ben as well.

Stupid and reckless were definitely the words he would chose for what he has done. 

Stupid and reckless had been exactly what he had been the first time around, when Robert had come back to the village with Chrissie.

Maybe stupid and reckless were exactly what he wanted to be.

Without replying, he walked past his husband, his mind being made up.

Yeah, reckless and stupid.

  
  



	8. Chapter 8

**PART EIGHT - AARON**

* * *

He couldn't stop thinking about it, how could he? Those words, those thoughts, they had infiltrated every corner of his mind. They permeated through his bones, his skin, through every fiber of his being. The more he tried not to think about it, the more it hit him.

Reckless and stupid were the words. Like an annoying song that you can't get out of your head once it's in there, they were dancing in his head.

He had spent all morning in bed pretending to sleep with his husband close by. Every time he felt contact, every time they had shuffled close enough to each other, he could feel his skin crawl. It wasn't right. Aaron realized he had been a fool to think he could ever get over Robert, to think he could ever love anyone in the same way.

He loved Ben, he really did, but it wasn't enough. Ben wasn't enough, he never had been, he never would be.

_ "You got Chrissie." He had said. His mind had been a complete mess. Things had gotten over him, and bottling everything up was eating him alive. _

_ "It's not enough." Robert said not even being able to make eye contact with him. _

_ Aaron had had enough, he felt the same, whatever scraps Robert had been throwing him, would never be enough. In anger, he stood from his seat and stroede away heading for the door, only stopping dead in his tracks when he heard it, when he heard the words. _

_ "I love you." Robert had nearly shouted. They were in the back, but still, someone could have heard it. "I love you and I can't watch you suffer." _

He remembered that day, that moment, it had been seared into his mind, the way a farmer brands their cattle, it was there forever. He'd never forget it. The first time Robert had said he loved him. 

He had already been lost to Robert, had been nearly since the start, but hearing him say it, hearing Robert say the words, he knew he'd never love anyone else. He knew it.

When he finally managed to drag himself out of bed, he showered, the scalding water pouring over his skin brought something else along with it. Punishment. He was doing it again, hadn't done it in years, and here was in the face of it. He was hurting himself. Maybe it was guilt, maybe it was punishment for what he could possibly do to Ben, or maybe he had subconsciously done it because it triggered something.

The last time he had hurt himself, Robert had been a part of his life, a really close part of his life. Maybe the pain took him back there, maybe it made him remember all those things he tried so hard to push away, all those thoughts he had safely tucked away in the furthest reaches of his mind, of his heart.

Maybe now that Robert was back, maybe those memories wanted out, maybe they were begging to be released.

As he came down the stairs he noticed a mug of coffee on the table, along with a note beside it.

_ I'm sorry about what I said. I know I was out of line and I shouldn't have said the things I did, but it worries me that there are things about your past you've never told me about, things you've lied about. I'm going to take a couple of days away, go down to my mum's, try and get my head around this whole prison, and when I get back, maybe we can talk. _

_ I hope you're ready to open up, really open up, and tell me everything you haven't told me before. Whatever it is, I know we can get through this. We can get past this all, and never look back, maybe start that family we've always wanted. _

_ Love - B _

_ Start a family?  _ The thought alone made his heart sink. Yeah, he wanted that a long time ago, he wanted it more than anything. The thing was, he had  _ not _ wanted it in a long time, not since…

Every time Ben had even brought up the idea, Aaron would shoot it down. It wasn't for him. It's not what he wanted. Not without…

Without realizing it, he had binned the note, and was already grabbing his coat. He was running on pure instinct, not even thinking, and was already out the door. The cold air hit him, his lungs expanding as he took a breath, and he knew what he was doing. 

His strides were quick, each step with a purpose, each one taking him closer. He knew where he was heading. To Keeper's Cottage, to Robert, to the only thing that mattered.

There he was, Robert, there was a strange look about him as he stepped outside, a look Aaron couldn't quite place. Sadness maybe.

He awkwardly pulled his hand out of his pocket to wave, and then Ellie stepped out from behind Robert. He hadn't known her long enough, he hadn't really gotten to know her at all, but the same look was displayed on her face until Robert turned to face her. She smiled, said something he couldn't quite make out, he had never been good at reading lips, then she stood on her toes and placed a kiss on his cheek before climbing into her car and driving away.

Ellie; He thought about her, thought about if he was really willing to hurt her the way he had hurt Chrissie, and he nearly lost his nerve. 

Guilt, it gnawed at him, like a sharp pain in his but, it gnawed at him. That all changed when he saw Robert look up, their eyes met, they locked onto each other, and the pull was back. It was unmistakable, undeniable, and he was sick of trying to pretend it wasn't there. The pull was strong enough to make the guilt fade away. Why should he feel it? Why should he feel it when these people were keeping them apart?

For a moment, Robert turned his eyes away, they looked towards the door to Keeper's Cottage, then went right back to Aaron's, and it was just like before. The flutter. That feeling. It was there, and it was stronger than ever.

Stupid and reckless.

Aaron stood frozen for a moment, his breath caught in his chest as his heart began to race, the possibilities running through his mind of what this all meant. A future. Their future. Everything they had been robbed of. It was all there. It was all within his grasp. He smiled fondly at Robert and nodded his head up the street.

Robert smiled in return and zipped up his jacket before he began to walk in the direction Aaron had nodded towards. 

It was like old times. He remembers it vividly. Them walking side by side, Robert pushing a pram in front of him, with nothing and everything to talk about. That was them. Everything came so easy to them. From the moment they had done what they did, as if they had always belonged together, as if they had lived hundreds of lives together. The spark that ignited the other.

They walked together with barely a word being spoken. Nothing more than greeting, and soon enough they had reached the seclusion of the cricket pavilion, another one of their old haunts. So many memories in so many places.

"Thanks again." Robert finally broke the silence, not that it had been awkward. It never was between them, even now when it should have been.

"For?" He knew exactly what Robert meant. 

"Last night."

"You don't need to thank me for that." Aaron said, his voice soft. 

"Actually, I do. It's not your job to make me feel…" Robert had tried to thank Aaron, only he stopped when Aaron held onto him by his wrist and spun him around before taking his lips.

And just like that, the world melted around them. The contact, the lips, they felt like a shock to Aaron, like a defibrillator bringing someone back to life, and Robert went with it. He didn't push back against it. Aaron could feel him melt into it, become pliable, as if wanting more.

A soft hum erupted from Robert's mouth and into Aaron's and only then did Robert try to pull back.

"Aaron." His voice was soft, softer than it had been since he returned, almost as soft as the voice he used to use only for him. His mouth opened, his lips moved ready to say something, only Aaron stopped him. 

Their lips came crashing together in a bruising kiss. It was stronger than the previous one, it was fire. Aaron pushed into it, his hands gripping Robert by his hips, he pushed him back towards the building, and soon they were slaming against it.

The kiss became frantic like a fire out of control, Aaron's tongue parted Robert's lips, and broke through as it slid across Robert's own. They both moaned into each other's mouths and Aaron lost himself to the sound.

This was it. This was the feeling he had been missing in his life. This was what he had been lying to himself about for so long.

The feeling or Robert, of having him back, of tasting him, of taking him. There was nothing else like it, like him, there never would be.

The door opened and closed as clothes began to fly around. 

It was heat, passion, it was everything it had been the first time around, only this time it was so much more desperate.

From wall to wall, they slammed around until Aaron shoved Robert to the ground, and straddled him. Their bare skin touching, pressing against each other, it was like magic, the fire between them, like it had never left, like it had simply been put on pause.

He was hard, harder than he had been in years, and all it took was a quick glance at Robert. His fair skin, the galaxy of freckles that peppered his body, right down to that old scar on his chest. He was still a work of art. Like a fine wine, Robert had aged well. Aaron always knew he would. The beautiful freckled bastard was always going to. 

Robert's eyes were there again, that look, that spark, it was there. He smiled up at him and all Aaron could do was reach out, his finger tracing along the splash of freckles on Robert's chest, then leaned down and kissed every freckle he could before taking Robert's lips again. A sloppy kiss, all tongue, a kiss that left them gasping for air.

Robert's fingers threaded through Aaron's hair and gently pulled him back enough for Robert to take his neck. 

"Fuck." Aaron grunted. He could feel his dick twitch beneath him, moving between their stomachs, and as if having read his mind, Robert reached between them and grabbed him. "Fuck." He moaned this time, feeling the pressure around his cock. No one could touch him the way Robert did. No one could make him feel the things Robert did.

"I...I don't know what I'm going to do if you don't fuck me right now, Robert." He said between gasps. He meant it. His heart was beating so fast, it felt like it would explode at any moment. He couldn't believe this was all happening. It felt like a dream, a dream he could live in forever.

"Slow down." God, Aaron hated the words coming out of Robert's mouth. Slowing down is the last thing he wanted. He was running on pure instinct, he had no time to slow down. Slowing down meant thinking. Thinking meant realizing what he was doing.

He leaned down and took Robert's mouth again, his tongue doing all the talking for him, telling Robert there was no slowing down, not now. Everything he felt, everything he had been holding back was coming to surface, and every bit of it, he was putting into his kiss. 

It was all heat and tongue, sloppy, and tasted of everything he remembers. Without any word, he reached between them, taking Robert's hand and moved towards their mouths. He positioned it enough to stick two of his fingers between their lips, between their tongues, and felt Robert lap at them along with him. Robert knew what it meant, he knew exactly what Aaron was going to do, and his eyes were like fire.

There was no more talking, no more slowing down, it was simply two bodies craving each other, two pieces of a puzzle coming together. Robert pulled his hand away from their mouths, and leaned forward reaching past Aaron, and around him.

Aaron inhaled, closed his eyes, and relaxed for what was coming, for what he was dying for. A soft gasp left his mouth when he felt it, a finger entering him, and he thought he might die. The feeling was ethereal, it was meant to be, and he wanted more. He pushed back against it, savored every sensation, and moved his hips as a signal to Robert. Another.

He groaned as he bit on his bottom lip when he felt the second finger entered him. The slight sting of the sensitive skin being stretched out felt unlike anything he had experienced in years, this part of him was something he couldn't give to Ben, something he wouldn't. It was meant for someone else, meant for the man that would own him until his dying breath.

"Fuck me, Robert. Please." He begged and whimpered when he felt the fingers retreat. A temporary emptiness.

Robert pushed him back as he sat up, Aaron still safety straddled over him, then pulled his hand back to his mouth and spat into it.

This was it. 

"Fuck." He gasped, taking a large breath. The pain of Robert entering him, his girth, his length. Fuck, he'd almost forgott what it felt like. It hurt so good. Even if he had given this part of himself to Ben, it wouldn't have compared in any way. Ben just couldn't compare, in more ways than one.

He shook it off, the man he was married to, the thought of him left his mind just as quickly as he had entered it. All that remained was what he felt for thamn inside of him, and it ravaged him.

He whimpered, the sting slowly dissipating as he adjusted to the intrusion. "God," the word left his lips as he wrapped his arms around Robert, and leaned his forehead to his. "I've missed you." His voice nearly broke and he took Robert's lips before anything further could be said. 

Robert moaned into his mouth, his hands holding on tightly to Aaron's hips as if they had never left, and Aaron began to lift himself off before going right back down.

That cool sensation of Robert's cock gliding in and out of him, fuck how he had missed it, it drove everyone of of his movements. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

"Fuuuuuuuck." He whimpered into Robert's mouth as he took his lips once again wanting to never leave again. "Fuuuuuuuuuuck."

The noises he made, the noises they both made were like an orchestra, a perfect symphony composed by two celestial bodies that were made for one another.

It was almost too much to take, too much to bare, Aaron could feel the tears that ran down his cheeks, and just as quickly felt Robert's thumbs wiping them away.

And just as quickly as it had all happened, it came to an end. They unraveled. They didn't take their time, they didn't move slow, there was no teasing. They fucked. It was lust. It was desperation. It was longing.

Their climaxes hit, and they collapsed with one another back to the floor, a mess of limbs.

Gasping for air, everything remained silent. It hadn't been a dream. It had happened like it was always meant to have happened.

It wasn't long before Robert's soft breathing told Aaron, he had fallen asleep. His chest rising and falling, his lips partially, and his eyes moving around behind their lids.  _ He must be dreaming. _

He leaned forward, kissing Robert's forehead, and everything finally hit him. He had cheated on his husband. Robert had cheated on his fiance. He was hurting everyone for his own selfish feelings.

_ What have you done? _

He panicked. He panicked and he did the only thing he could do. 

He quietly slid away from Robert.

He gathered his clothes and got dressed.

He ran.

_ What have you done? _


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE!!
> 
> This chapter just came out of nowhere, it just happened.
> 
> Hope you enjoy.

**PART NINE - ROBERT**

* * *

Aaron, he couldn't stop thinking about him. He never had really. Not all those years he was locked away. Not the time that followed. Not even entirely after him and Ellie had become a thing. Aaron had always been there, deep down. He always would be.

Those eyes. Those blue eyes, like the ocean. They were still able to pierce right through him, see right into his soul. He remembered the sea of blue that had guided him back from the edge. Twice now.

They had been so close. So close he could feel Aaron's breath, so close he could smell him. He still smelled just as he remembered. 

He remembered seeing that look in those eyes, that look that almost asked a question, that almost asked for permission. It was like Aaron was trying to send him a message, a message he was surely just wishing for. Aaron was happy. He was married. Whatever they had once was no longer there. Aaron had moved on. Whatever he thought he saw had all been in his head.

_ Why did he lean in? He didn't lean in. It's all in your head, idiot. Whatever this is, stop. _

He quietly entered Keeper's Cottage, slowly closing the door behind him without making any sound. The place was quiet and dark. Peaceful really. It had always been peaceful. Robert hoped it would be peaceful enough to grant him some sleep, to let his mind finally wander into a slumber, only he stopped as he entered the room.

"Ellie?" He spoke as he noticed his fiance sitting at the edge of the bed. "You okay?"

"Are you?" She asked. There was something in her voice, sadness perhaps.

"I...couldn't sleep. Nightmare." It was the truth, Ellie knew it. Nightmares were a thing ever since prison. He'd often awake in a cold sweat, panicked, the memory of attack all too real. It couldn't be helped. They would probably haunt him until the end of his days. "Didn't want to wake you, so I just went out for some fresh air."

"Do you still love him?" She questioned suddenly. There was hurt in her voice.

He quickly moved towards her only then noticing the shine of unshed tears in her eyes. Kneeling before her, he took her hands into his own, his mind racing at a hundred miles an hour.

"What?"

"Aaron, Robert. Aaron." Her voice broke. "Do you still love him?"

Like an anchor, he felt the weight of the question pulling him down. It wasn't an easy question. It was an unfair question. One he couldn't lie about.

"I…" He tried to answer her only to have his voice stop working for a second "I...I'll always love him, Ellie. He was a big part of my life, but that doesn't change the way I feel about ya."

She placed hand to his cheek softly caressing, and leaned her forehead against his.

"I see the way he looks at you." She began. "The way you look at him. It's hard not to see it, you'd have to be blind not to see it really." She almost laughed as a year broke loose. 

"Ellie…" She placed a finger to his lips.

"I love you, Robert. I love you a lot. I love you too much to pretend I don't see, too much to stand in the way."

"What...what do you mean, Ellie?" He gently squeezed her hand. He couldn't understand what brought this all on.

"I'm not blind, Robert. I know we've only been here a few days, but I've seen the way Aaron looks at you, the way he talks to you...I can't even talk you out of your panic attacks." She leaned back taking a deep breath. "You...you've been through a lot, Robert. Life has taken so much from you already. Your mum, your dad, your brother, even time. You've been robbed of so much already and…" She could barely speak, "and I don't want to be another person to rob you of something else. I don't want to stand in your way, I won't."

"Ellie...please. I...I don't know what I did, but I can fix it."

A small chuckle left her lips, and her thumb brushed away the tears he hadn't even realized were falling down his cheek. "You didn't do anything, Robert. You're good, your kind, and you deserve to be happy, really happy. The problem is, I don't think that happiness lies with me."

"Please, Ellie. We can fix this. Please." He begged, he cried. He couldn't do this. He couldn't handle it. He couldn't be alone. His life had passed him by, he had lost so much, and the fear of being alone terrified him now more than ever.

"Shhh. It's okay, Robert." She said before kissing his forehead. "Really, it's okay. I'll be okay." She wiped away her own tears. "Just...just promise me that you'll fight for him."

"I...I can't do that." He looked away. "He's married. He's happy. I'm not going to ruin his life."

"Robert Sugden, you will fight for him or so help me God." She gave him a soft slap. "Now, if you don't mind, I need to get some rest, I have a long drive home tomorrow."

"You don't have to do that." He tried to argue on for Ellie to give him one of those looks, a look that he knew better than to argue with.

"You're sleeping on the sofa." She said throwing a pillow at him.

~~~~~~

He sees a sea of blue, a sight unlike any other, so calming that it could soothe the most primal of storms; it's what he saw, or at least the last thing he could remember before his eyes slowly fluttered open. 

He tried to shuffle around, tried to find a better position, and ultimately surrendered. It felt like reality was slapping him across the face, he would have to get up even though staying asleep for the day is all he wanted. Everything seemed so futile now. He felt like there was no point. He was alone again. He just wanted to hide from everything, everyone, and there was no doubt that Victoria would be on him asking questions in no time. Diane, as useless as she seems most of the time was also sure to follow. Any chance to give her disapproval over something he had done wrong.  _ Jack would be so disappointed.  _ He could hear it already.

Yes, there would definitely be questions. Questions he wasn't ready to answer. Questions he wasn't even sure he knew the answers to. 

For a moment it all washed away as he thought of Ellie, the aching realisation of what had happened the night before hitting him like yet another slap from reality. Ellie had given him a way out. She had gifted him an out he wasn't fully aware he had been wanting. She had been right, deep down he knew she had been.

Aaron and him were not over, they never would be.

"I don't know what my stupid brother did this time, but I'm sure you can work it out." Victoria's voice was heard through the house. She was being loud on purpose. It was a warning almost, to wake Robert up, to send him running after his fiance, ex fiance.

A low mumble of words followed, almost sounded like a conversation, only everything was muffled by the walls and hallways of the cottage. 

Then came the thuds down the stairs, a signal he couldn't ignore.

He threw the duvet off him and quickly maneuvered around the sofa and around the corner of the small hall to reach the stairs. Ellie stood there with her luggage in tow. She gave him a sad smile and mouthed an apology. Even she knew his family could be too much.

"Let me help you with that." He said reaching for her luggage.

"You're not even wearing trousers, you idiot." She almost laughed, Ellie laughed, and fuck that felt good, to hear her laugh. It washed away if even the smallest bit of guilt over what had happened.

He ran back to the sofa end grabbed his jeans, quickly slithering into them, and returning for the luggage.

"Robert, will ya please talk some sense into her. Please tell me you haven't cheated on her." Victoria practically scolded him, not that he blamed her. Expecting the worst from him was what everyone did, and with good reason. He'd always been a terrible person. He probably always would.

_ Stop that. That's dad talking. _

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Robert turned his attention to Ellie, leaving Victoria to be ignored.

"I'm not going to get in the way, and I'm certainly not going to be your second choice." She said in a lower voice, hoping Victoria wouldn't hear. "We can...we can figure out everything else later, yeah?"

Robert nodded in return, opened the door, and helped Ellie load her luggage into the boot of her car. Everything else can be sorted later, and there were plenty of things to get sorted. Bills, living arrangements, all of his stuff. He let out a deep breath just thinking about it.

Victoria stayed inside to give them space, a hopeful look in her eyes begging for them to fix whatever the problem was. 

It felt weird. Almost relieving. Robert and Ellie both stood outside of Keeper's Cottage with so many things left unsaid. It felt like the world had stood still, it had quieted down just for them. 

"Guess I'll see you later." Ellie started. "Please take care of yourself, Robert."

"I…"

"You're sorry...I know." She gave him a sad smile. The unshed tears in her glassy eyes said so much more though. She was being strong. She was trying to hide behind a mask that hid her heartbreak. Robert could see. He recognized the mask all too well, it was the same one he had worn for so many years of his life.

"I need to say goodbye to Victoria." Ellie said as she headed back into the Cottage, Robert followed.

As Victoria cried her goodbyes to Ellie, asking her to keep in touch, everything hit him again. This was all his doing. He was hurting people again.

The thought weighed on him, it made his steps feel that much heavier as he stepped back outside to catch his breath, and just like old times he thanked the heavens for the silence of the village. No one was around. No one could see the mess he had caused again.

When he heard the door open and Ellie come out he turned to face her, she gave him a smile, almost like before. They said their final goodbyes and she stood on her toes to give him a final kiss. "You fight for him, Robert. You fight for him, and you don't let anyone stop you."

When she drove off, he couldn't help but feel a pair of eyes on him, he looked up and sure enough, there it was, that ocean of blue looking back at him.

_ Fight for him, Robert.  _ He heard Ellie's words, part of him yelled, begged, for him to do it, but the other reminded him that Aaron was married. He was happy.

He looked back towards the door, willing his feet to move, and remove him from the situation, but the pull was too strong. He couldn't deny it, he couldn't fight it, and he sure as hell didn't want to. He looked up, his eyes locking on Aaron's, and his heart skipped a beat.

Aaron nodded his head towards the cricket pavilion, it was clear he was asking for a walk. 

_ Fight for him, Robert. _

Aaron began walking, not really waiting for an answer, and before he knew it, his feet had begun moving on their own.

~~~~~~

Everything had been a blur, a hot and heavy blur. One second he's trying to that k Aaron for helping him through his attack, the next…

He was alive again, really alive. Everything's crazy. Everything's fast. And he doesn't want it to stop. He wants this. He wants everything that comes with Aaron. He always has, and he knows deep down he always will.

Aaron's tongue is like a drug, it's almost too much but he can't get enough. Their hands are all over the place, their mouths can't seem to part, and they're naked on the floor.

It's all so right. It's the way it's supposed to be, but everything's wrong. Aaron is married. He can't do this. He can't make Aaron a cheater. Aaron is better than that, better than him, always had been.

He opens his mouth to say something, tries to stop it all from getting out of hand, but Aaron's .outh is back on him. He can't fight it. He needs this like he needs air.

Unable to fight it any longer, he gives in, he follows suit. He does as Aaron wants, realizing that this all must have been what Aaron felt like so long ago.

It's chaos, it's fire, it's pure instinct, and then they're collapsing onto each other. The previous night is catching up to him.

His eyes get heavy in the renewed safety he feels. He's not scared to close his eyes. He has Aaron's arms around him.

His eyes flutter shut, and everything goes dark, as he gets a final look at the ocean of blue. The calming washing over him.

"A...Aaron?" His voice is soft when he feels himself coming to.

"Aaron?" He calls out for him as he sits up, and comes to the realization that Aaron is gone. He's there alone. Aaron isn't anywhere to be seen, and his clothes are gone.

He's alone.

Whatever he thought what happened between them meant, maybe Aaron had realized it had all been a mistake.

And he feels the sharp ache in his chest. Maybe Aaron just doesn't feel the same way about him. 

Not anymore.

Not ever again.

  
  
  
  
  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're ready for angst!
> 
> Please leave comments guys. Tell me what you like, what you don't, whatever you want, feedback is always great to see ♥️

**PART TEN - AARON & ROBERT**

* * *

It was like an agony rolling over him, he could still feel Robert, the ghostly traces of his fingers all over his body, his perfect cock entering him, and all he wanted was more. He wanted more, he wanted it for the rest of his life, and he knew he couldn't have it.

He could feel the slams as they crashed from wall to wall, when they hit the floor, and better yet; when their skin slapped together with every thrust. 

The memories flashed in his mind like a film playing at the cinema, himself the only voyeur watching in excruciating pain, wanting to relive it. His eyes tightened shut, his fists followed as they bunched harder into the material in his hands, and his teeth nearly drew blood from his lower lip.

A sudden calm washed over him as he breathed in, the scent lingering in the fabric, bringing him back to his senses. It was faint, so faint that part of him believed it was all in his head, it had to be.

He took a deep breath and leaned back, pulling away from the material he had pressed his face against, and leaned against the door to his on suite bathroom. Robert's tan leather jacket, the only thing he had left of him. It had stayed hidden for so long, stuck all the way in the back of their closet, covered by a bevy of Aaron's hoodies. It had been long forgotten, missed, spared the cleansing when Aaron had binned all or Robert's clothes.

And just like that he felt it, the pain, the heartbreak, and soul shattering guilt of what he had done. He had binned Robert, threw him away as if he had meant nothing. He had given into his despair and never fought for him, not really. He had accepted what Robert had done and in time moved on. How could Robert ever possibly want him back after that? How could Robert ever forgive him?

"Babe!" His husband's voice echoed through the Mill. "You up there?"

_Shit!_ Aaron panicked, wiped his face and quickly stepped out to hide the jacket. Opening the closet door, he took one last inhale into the jacket, and hid it. Hiding the jacket, stuffing it way back and down underneath everything, it felt like a metaphor for what he had to do now. His feelings for Robert, what he's felt all these years, had to be put away. They had to be pushed back and under everything just like before. He had a husband, a great one, one that's been nothing but good to him. He's cheated on him now, he can't take that back, but he can try and be better. He can try and live him the way he should.

"Yeah…I'm up here." He took a deep breath trying to push everything down and turned as he heard the door to their bedroom open.

"I know I said I was going to be gone a couple of days, but I just couldn't stay away." Ben gave him a sad smile. "Not with the way we left things."

"Don't worry about it." Aaron tried to shrug it off. "I should have thought about you, how you'd feel about it all." He said and stepped towards Ben. He had to try. He couldn't ruin Ben's life.

"I shouldn't have said those things. I overreacted, I just...I love you so much."

Aaron closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms around him. "I love you too." He said and pictures Robert in his head.

Ben leaned in, placing his lips to Aaron's, and Aaron kissed him back. It hurt, it hurt deep down, but this was the life he had chosen. It was the life he had to live. The life he knew deep down was a lie.

As he pulled back from the kiss, he stopped himself for a moment and pictures Robert. He let the soft green eyes wash over him, remind him of everything he missed, and held onto the feeling as he felt his husband pushing him back into the bed. 

A knot deep down in his gut is all he felt. Every kiss, every motion, every act, making him feel like he was slowly dying inside. He was having sex with his husband, and it all felt like a betrayal. It all felt wrong, so his mind took him elsewhere, Ben's kisses became Robert's, Ben's touches became Robert's, everything Ben did, became something Robert did. It was his only escape.

"I really need a shower." Aaron said as he stood from their bed. His husband shouldn't be there, not on _their_ bed.

"Maybe I'll join you." Ben smiled.

Aaron made a face and shook his head. "I don't think so. You know how much I hate that."

"Spoilsport."

"Why don't you go order us some takeout or summat." He wanted his husband far away.

It wasn't long before he found himself in the shower crying silently under the scalding hot water. 

This was his life now, this was the life he had to live.

~~~~~~

"So you going to tell me what happened?" Victoria nagged at him for the hundredth time. As far as little sisters go, she was certainly one of them. Annoying, bratty, incessant, everything an annoying little sister could be, Victoria was certainly it. "What did you mess up this time? You didn't cheat, did you?"

God, if he could just disappear, that would be for the best. He doesn't know where he stands anyway. Ellie left him, she broke it all off, stepped aside as she called it. She had always been good, too good for him, then again, everyone had always been too good for him. He ruins everything, and now he's ruined poor Ellie.

"ROBERT?"

"I SLEPT WITH AARON!" He blurted out, didn't mean to, but it happened.

"Unbelievable!" Victoria was in full on nagging mode. "You just can't help yourself, can you?"

"No." He said at first, then quickly realizing how it sounded. "No, that's not it. I didn't cheat on Ellie."

"So what do you call sleeping with Aaron?"

"It's not like that." He was offended, he really was. That's not who he is. "That happened after Ellie left."

Victoria's mouth was left hanging, her eyes doing this thing they did when she tried to think too hard. "I don't...I don't understand."

"She left me because...because she knew that deep down, I still loved Aaron."

"What?"

"She said she could see the way Aaron looked at me...god, he still looks at me the same way, Vic." He nearly cried. "One look, one look and I'm his all over again."

"Robert...he's married, how could you…"

"It was him, Vic. He kissed me first. I tried to stop it, but he wouldn't let me...and I couldn't." He cut her off.

"So what does that mean?"

"I don't...I don't know."

"Robert...this is Aaron."

"He ran off, I woke up and he was gone." Robert brushes his hands across his face just remembering the empty feeling. After what felt like the best thing to happen to him in years, he woke up to Aaron being gone. "I think he realized that it was a mistake." He could feel it deep down. There was no other answer. Aaron wouldn't have left him otherwise.

"You two...you just can't keep away from each other, no matter how much life throws at ya, you just keep going back." She looked at him with a soft smile. This moment. Them together, in her living room, it felt so familiar. It was just like years ago when she had asked him a simple question, one he had been too afraid to admit to himself.

"Do you love him?" There it was.

"It's not that simple, Vic." His voice broke.

"That's not what I asked." She got closer and took his hands into hers. "Do you love him?"

"Of course I do. I never stopped, I never will."

"Then you need to tell him that."

"I...I can't. I can't ruin his life, I can't ruin what he has." He finally broke down, the wall he had spent years rebuilding came crashing down like the weakest of rubble. "I let him go for a reason. I wanted better for him. I wanted him to have a good life, Vic. I can't just ruin the life he's built for himself now. I can't...otherwise all those years, all that heartbreak, it was for nuthin."

"Oh, Rob." She let go of his hands and instead wrapped her arms around him. "Then...what are ya gonna do?"

"I...I don't know...but I can't stay here. I can't pretend, I can't see him every day...with him."

"But where will you go?"

"I don't know." 

_Step one: Start walking. You don't know where you're going, but the further you get from this place the better._

As he squeezes gently onto his sister he remembers a small list he made for himself when he was first released. He had stepped out of the prison wearing the same suit he had worn when he first went in, and nothing much else. His phone was dead, his wallet held a bit of cash, and he really didn't know where to go. Home wasn't really a possibility, not anymore. So he stood there for minutes, minutes that felt like hours, simply looking out into the distance. He had been too afraid of what came next, but he knew he had to move. He had to get away. He had to leave that place behind.

So he thought, he thought hard, and a simple list is what got him moving.

_Step one: Start walking. You don't know where you're going, but the further you get from this place the better._

_Step two: Keep moving, one day things will feel okay. That's all you can hope for._

_Step three: Try to not be alone._

Maybe alone is what he deserved. Maybe alone is how he was always meant to end up.

_Step four: Don't forget your son._

  
  



	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert is at a loss. Ellie has left him, and Aaron has ran away from him, with nothing else keeping him in the village, he's about to leave again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a bit short, but I hope you guys like it.
> 
> Leave me feedback, and let me know if you like it or not ♥️

**PART ELEVEN - ROBERT**

* * *

_ When the rain _

_ Is blowing in your face _

_ And the whole world _

_ Is on your case _

_ I could offer you _

_ A warm embrace _

_ To make you feel my love _

The soft melody played through the car's speakers in contrast to the hoarse rumbles of the tired engine. It played as if mocking him, quite ironic, bitter even, for that song in particular to play at a moment like this. The song meant so much long ago, it still does, all the more reason it stings that the song randomly began to play over the radio. He swallows bitterly and throws his luggage into the boot of his car and slams it shut.

God, how scary it was, it is, his life all packed up in a single bag. Even scarier, how many times he had done this. 

_ I know you _

_ Haven't made _

_ Your mind up yet _

_ But I would never _

_ Do you wrong _

_ I've known it _

_ From the moment _

_ That we met _

_ No doubt in my mind _

_ Where you belong _

That sharp ache in his chest grows and he can't take it anymore. Robert reaches inside the car and quickly turns it off, he pulls the keys out of the ignition, and decides to say goodbye to his sister. No time like the present, it's become somewhat of a mantra he lives by now, being that planning for a future never seemed to work out for him. At least not any real future he really tried to plan.

"So, you just gonna leave then?" A familiar voice asks, one he wasn't sure would come looking for him.

He swallows past the lump in his throat and slowly turns to face his ex mother in law. Truth be told, he was surprised he hadn't had a visit from her already, warning him away from her son. Chas was many things, but protective over Aaron was at the top of the list, much to her fault.

"Let me guess, Vic?"

"I sort of pulled it out of her."

"I see you still have the gift." The gift of a nagging mother, one that can always pull information that's not supposed to be shared, and do it with such ease. All it takes is that look, that look that tells you she'll be on you like white on rice.

"What can I say, it's a talent." She does this Chas Dingle sort of flaunt. Of course she does. The woman is all brass, she always has been, and probably always will be. He'd put it down to her being a Dingle, but he knows it's more than that.

"I...uh...yeah, I'm heading out." 

"Just like that?" She shrugs her shoulders softly as her lips do this weird thing. They almost look pursed, she almost looks disappointed.

And...what the hell is going on?

"You know...I don't...I don't get you, Chas." His voice is full of desperation. He wasn't even intending for it to come out that way, it just did. Everything bubbled, memories bubbled, feelings bubbled. And that lost little boy in him broke through. The lost little boy that missed his mother terribly. The lost little boy that felt like maybe, just maybe, he had found something close in his mother in law. She never would have replaced Sarah, his mum, but he had hoped she would love him if even a fraction as much. "I figured you were going to run me out of the village the moment you saw me...and here...I don't know, I feel like...I feel like...I just don't get you."

"This isn't about me though, now is it?" She pursed her lips and crossed her arms, the Chas Dingle signature move.

"You don't have to worry about it, I'm leaving aren't I?" He gives in. "I won't ruin things for him. I won't ruin his life again."

"God, you can be so daft sometimes, you know that?" Her face softens and she does something that catches him off guard. She moves forward and wraps her arms around him, her fingers trailing the back of his hair, the way Sarah used to hug him. "You've never ruined his life." She said as she squeezed him gently. "I mean, yeah, you did mess up...a lot, at least at first, but all you've ever done is care for him. I wouldn't have my precious boy today if it weren't for you."

Something in his chest tightened at the warmth her embrace gave him, and he struggled to swallow past the lump that had developed in his throat, all he could do was hug her back. 

"Despite of what you might think, Robert, I don't hate you. I know I've been hard on you, but that's only because I love you, I love you like my own." Her voice got shaky. "Now, for once in your life please just listen to me, listen to what I'm about to say to you." She pulled back from the hug and mover her hands to cradle his face. "Fight for him."

Those last words shocked him. He wasn't quite sure what to expect, this whole encounter with his ex mother in law had already caught him by surprise, but this…

"I...I do not understand." He really didn't. Days ago, he would have sworn on his own grave that Chas would have tried to run him out of the village the second she saw him. "Why would you…"

"Because he's never been happier than he was with you, you idiot." Chas smiled as she said the words with a small sparkle in her eyes. "He used to want kids with you, you remember that?" He felt his stomach sink as he heard the question, because he did. He remembered the look on Aaron's face when he told him he wanted kids with him as well. He'd never forget it. "He hasn't wanted them since you, and Lord knows Ben's tried to talk him into it."

"That doesn't mean anything."

"Doesn't it?"

"Why...why are you telling me this?"

"Because I think you need to hear it. I think you need to know that he still loves you before you do something stupid like what you're about to do."

"But what if he doesn't?"

"As happy as he's been the last couple of years, it doesn't compare to how happy he's been the last couple of days." She tuts him. "It's almost as if the old Aaron's been back, your Aaron." 

_ Your Aaron. _

He feels those words, feels them to his core, and he falters. Whatever half arsed plans he had were now going out the window. He heard what he needed. 

He had told himself years ago he had let Aaron go because he was being selfless, and now, he was going to get him back because for once in so long, he wanted to be selfish.


End file.
